I am so Excited for my life, my new life!!!
Exhausted so exhausted!!! I finally got sick After my 3 weeks of shooting I am for some reason so exhausted as if I went for a long long trip somewhere in a dreamland lost in Tibet? somewhere far Back in time or in the far future?
Went to sleep at 6:40pm Woke up at 3:13am, the world is so quite as if I still in where I was for the last 3 weeks, had a dream that I thought I remembered but I forgot now, changes made in me to my surprise for the brightest future, but still the wound is open heart is open, I need time and soft love to heal, heal the place that is so vulnerible (spell?) yet beautiful. people say things don't kill you will make you stronger, but I don't want to be stronger instead I want to feel the feelings the pain the changing of joy like a river flouting up and down unknown......
This last 3 weeks I cried so much so much I haven't for years, but just like the beautiful rain from nature, it washes the dust leave the earth once again pure and tender for new dreams to emerge......
I know a lot of you think I was stupid to do the show, I thought it too at first, I did not want to do it for a long time, but I then believed always there is a reason for everything when opportunities come my way, yes the universe sees more clearly about me than I do, and sometimes I just have to trust and fallow even if I do not know why or what it will be. I am so glad I did it and just for me, one cannot say or know if you are not in it, but for me in a strange way I have found ME, the beautiful me that I have lost... I have learned so much about me, the braveness, the tenderness, the courage to finally realized that I have to stop what I was doing cause it could be a real danger to kill me on my journey.
Life teach me in a indirect way, it is so painful but for the better and I so am grateful.
Those past 3 weeks lost dark confused days and nights, outside world has depatured lost, lost its attraction its power its allur, left me just the naked me and my shadow with the soft light of the tender moon, yes it is because of all I went through, life brought the new fresh me back to re-enter you, re-enter you in a new light, re-enter the universe with me realizing my real gifts, re-enter Hollywood as an gifted actress to challenge the roles yet to come, re-entering you as a loving caring human being. Yes I believe, I have faith, and I know when I do when I have faith in the true me that delicate beautiful white flower smiling in the hush sand storms in Tibet, I then have light, I then shine the magic of lights I then shine the magic of life......
You will know what I am saying when you watch the show, you will know the part of me that you did not know, and you will learn about life.
It was extreamely painful expierence, sad powerful yet with great hope and determination, I shared so many my stories that they are always a secret to me, I lucked them inside for so long so deep, but I suddenly have opened the door opened them as a window, I took the difficult step and I challenged me, and I want those stories to challenge you too!!!
I want me to love me as once you loved me, I want you to love me only as this gifted actress and this loving caring intelligent woman you once loved from " Red Corner ", god send me down as an angel to walk on a difficult path just to show you: faith love courage and horner, I must horner that.
Thoughts passsing me by like the lovely pink clouds once again landing flying, spring has openned its wings smiling with its pure open joy, I will soon find the me close my wound and with my heart still wide open to finally find my art my life that is belong to me and so needed my love......
Excited for the new me, excited for my new road new work and new love......
What about you my friend?
Cookie 4U: Take Chances!!!
Sadness like the rain yesterday cring for the lost of our bright star: Elizabeth Taylor
